Most people think their health struggles come down to motivation, discipline or finding the perfect plan. But according to Alex Neilan, founder of Sustainable Change, the real issue often sits much deeper – in the stories people tell themselves about who they are.
“People think they need more willpower,” Neilan says. “But what they actually need is a different identity. You can only white-knuckle your way through a routine for so long if you still believe you’re someone who always falls off the wagon.”
It’s an idea drawn from years of coaching thousands of women across the UK – women who have tried every diet, every rule, every programme, only to find themselves looping back to old habits. Neilan argues this isn’t a personal failure. It’s a psychological mismatch.
“You can’t outwork an identity that contradicts your goals,” he says. “The behaviours never stick.”
Identity drives behaviour long before motivation does
Neilan’s approach through Sustainable Change centres on a pattern he’s seen repeatedly: people behave in line with who they think they are, not who they want to be. Someone who believes she is “all or nothing,” for example, will unconsciously act in a way that confirms it. Someone who thinks of herself as “inconsistent” will forgive inconsistency immediately – because she expects it.
“It’s not that people don’t want to change,” Neilan says. “It’s that they’re trying to build a new life while clinging to an old definition of themselves. It’s like trying to run new software on an outdated operating system.”
This is why he encourages clients to shift the question from “What should I do?” to “Who am I becoming?” The moment identity changes, behaviour follows far more easily – often without the internal battle people expect.
Sustainable weight loss begins with belonging to a different story
Part of the identity shift comes from community. Neilan’s Sustainable Weight Loss Support Group, now approaching 100,000 members, has become a place where women adopt healthier beliefs simply by being surrounded by others who think differently.
“When someone joins a community where showing up, learning, trying again and not giving up is the norm, they naturally start to see themselves as someone who does those things too,” he says.
The community doesn’t rely on pressure. It relies on exposure. Women see people like them making progress in small, realistic ways. That exposure disrupts their assumptions about themselves. And once identity moves, self-talk moves with it.
“It’s powerful to watch a woman go from saying ‘I always fail’ to saying ‘I’m someone who works on things bit by bit,’” Neilan says. “That’s transformation – long before the physical changes.”
Why typical diets fail the identity test
For decades, dieting has focused on the behaviour layer: eat this, avoid that, follow these rules.
The problem, according to Neilan, is that behaviour alone isn’t stable. When life gets stressful, people snap back to who they believe they are.
“Diets ask for perfection,” he says. “Identity-based habits ask for alignment. It’s a completely different approach.”
A plan built around restriction may work for a few weeks, but the moment someone identifies as “failing,” the plan collapses. On the other hand, someone who believes she is “the kind of person who looks after her wellbeing even in small ways” doesn’t abandon the process when something goes wrong – she adapts.
“That’s why sustainable change outlasts every short-term plan,” Neilan says. “Identity makes the behaviour stick even when life doesn’t go smoothly.”
Identity change is not about pretending – it’s about proving
Critically, Neilan isn’t asking clients to adopt an identity they don’t believe. Instead, he helps them gather small “proof points” that make a new identity feel logical.
A ten-minute walk becomes evidence. Bringing a packed lunch becomes evidence. Checking in with the group becomes evidence.
“These aren’t tiny wins – they’re identity building blocks,” he says. “You don’t need a big transformation. You just need enough proof that you are becoming someone different.”
Over time, women begin to see themselves as people who show up, who plan ahead, who prioritise health. Identity starts to shift long before the scale does – and that’s what makes the scale move sustainably.
A new direction for women’s health
Neilan believes the next evolution of women’s wellbeing won’t come from stricter rules, faster fat loss claims or dramatic challenges – but from understanding how deeply identity shapes behaviour.
“The future of health coaching isn’t in pushing harder,” he says. “It’s in helping people rewrite how they see themselves so the habits feel natural instead of forced.”
For him, this approach is far more compassionate – and far more effective. When women are no longer fighting against their own self-concept, progress isn’t a battle. It’s the next logical step.
“As soon as someone says, ‘This is just who I am now,’ everything changes,” he says. “That’s the moment sustainable health really begins.”
